Unemployed? Maybe Not Much Longer.

It's Friday and I'm finally over the jet lag. Jeeeeez. My sleeping pattern has been awful! It's a good thing I'm unemployed or I probably would have gotten fired by whatever employment I had.

Anyhoo there is a possible job on the horizon. I interviewed yesterday and it went well. I have another interview on Monday. It's for a pretty big corporation and I've never worked in corporate so I'm a little worried that the position might be a bit much for me. However, there's the possibility that this could be the perfect full-time position for me. My coworkers would be around my age, it's all stuff that's within my skill set, there's a huge training program to make sure you have all the right information, and it's a corporation that has a really good reputation for taking care of it's employees.

The only down side is that I would have to work longer hours and thus lose lots of time writing my book. But on the other hand I would be making good money working for a good company.

Can you tell that I'm trying to psyche myself up for this?

Everyone I know that I've told about this job opportunity has been confused because I've actually been looking for a part time job so I can write the book.

I like the idea of working part-time, but not so much the idea of not making a lot of money, and smelling like coffee, or breaking my back in retail, or running into people I used to work with and serving them coffee, explaining that no, I'm not a mcjob loser I'm actually spending all my free time writing a book. And then get that doubtful look from them like "good luck weird knitter girl".

Ah pride. Is it really that important?

Now these obnoxious self help maxims keep floating around my head, like we create our own barriers to success or the harder path yields the most opportunities.

There's the distinct possibility that if I take the safe job option with the groovy corporation that I would be repeating the same mistake I've been making for the last 5 years and end up unhappy in the end, again.

However the difference between this time and last is that I actually have a palpable goal that I can achieve. The thing is that I'm afraid to fail. I'm afraid that I'm going to write this book and no one is going to be interested in it and that I'm going to waste all my time. I'm afraid that I'm not ready to write this book. But that's all bullshit, if you pardon my french.

Because if you're a Dune reader like I am you know that fear is the mind killer.

And if you look at my choices just through that lens, the clear choice is to find a part time job and write the book.

Well at least I am presented with 2 good choices. It's a win win really, either I take a good job, or I work on the book. It's nothing life threatening. At least the difference in the past five years is that there really is something I love to do, that I'm naturally good at, that brings me mountains of joy.

speaking of joy: please visit my friend Knitabulous at Pick Up Sticks. She just awarded me a prize for being her 50,000th visitor. I've mentioned her before because she is an AMAZING lace knitter. Seeing as my first attempt at micro lace was an unmitigated distaster (I blame the stitch markers) I am in awe of her work.

Also I want to post more Japan photos so be on the lookout for that.

GG

A Glimpse At A Past Life

A long time ago in a land far away I was a film geek. I would watch 2 to 3 films a day, upto if not more than 8 films a week. Nothing made me feel more alive than movies. To this day one of my favorite things in the entire universe is to cry at the movies. More often than not, I am crying in pure joy, happy to have experieneced something in film that mirrors my life in such a way that it makes me feel that there's a kindred spirit in the world and that I am not alone.

When I was a film geek, I felt destined to go to LA and try my hand at the film industry. I got a BA in film, had a small portfolio of crappy student films and a few feeble attempts at screenwriting.

But then I met my husband to be when I was least expecting it and I ended up with him and not going to LA. I feel no regrets about this. One of my favorite things about life is how it often takes totally unexpected paths. If I truly wanted to be in LA, I would have ended up in LA.

But tonight I experienced what life might have been like had I chosen that path. One of my best friends celebrated her new job, a position that moves her to the next step of what turns out to be a career.

Instead of retreating to my hotel room after dinner, I felt inspired to go out, maybe it was that tasty cosmopolitan I had with dinner. So I hopped in a cab and met my friends at the Pig and Whistle in Hollywood. It was like a huge film school party, except that I didn't know anyone. I had a pear cider and became nostalgic for college. This is funny because I suddenly have as much freedom as I did when I was in college, not having a job and all. And it made me realize that I am as happy now as I was in the zenith of my years at university.

Anyway, as it is in LA, the main topic of conversation; especially for someone new to the group, is the discussion of what one does. And it was rather liberating to announce that I am writing a knitting book. Of course knitting to these people is about as ambitious as say breeding children or maintaining a house. And the puzzled faces of the group made me long for a group of knitters who would all nod their heads enthusiastically and offer to knit samples for me.

However I was reminded that there was a time when I used to read scripts and write script notes so I'm going to try that again and maybe do some script reading this week whilst in la la land. Lord knows after those cab fares I could use the cash.

This is all so darned therapuetic.

Que sera sera.

GG

Unemployment Week 2: where the author starts freaking out about money

I'm a lucky girl. I've spent the last week out of work, at home, knitting, writing projects for a book proposal. This is a good thing. Perhaps I have put myself to work to forget the fact that in a few weeks I'll be entirely broke.

And now I'm totally freaking out about it. I know I qualify for unemployment, but how long is that going to last? And don't they make you try to find a job when you're on unemployment? I don't want to go back to work until this book proposal is finished and if I do go back to work I don't just want to choose any job. I want it to be a good job with nice people close to home working less than 30 hours a week... preferably in a crafty setting, but not work weekends.

To alleviate this freakout, a pot of boiling water is on the stove in preparation for a delicious carb-fest, lemon pasta with asparagus, onions, fresh tomatoes and feta.

I'm also knitting another swatch for the book, continuing with the Rowan denim swatch, but trying to make the stitch pattern larger and more spread out, and testing out a larger needle. I've determined that the larger needle is too large and I have to rip out a few rows because I've messed it up. Darn it.

The good news is that I made it to knit night, due to a last minute postponement of my trip to LA. I even took some photos. And I splurged and bought a skein of the Claudia's Handpainted mohair boucle. Somebody slap my wrist.

Anyway if you are a craft-related enterprise and you're hiring: email me.

I'm hoping that Mr. G comes home early from work tonight so that we can drink beer and play video games.

GG

Mystery Solved

I finally understand why Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan ended up in rehab.

I've been out of work for exactly a week and I'm getting freaked out. I'm trying to enjoy the time, but I'm still beating myself up for getting laid off. To counteract this I'm trying to be as productive as possible. I'm helping Mr. G with things, I'm working on the book. So I guess I get a little nervous when I don't have any plans on the horizon.

it's enough to make you want to get drunk everyday. Perhaps this would have been a problem, if like Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan I was under 25 with gads of money. Imagine having all that time and money and still being bored. To me that's the scariest thing. Boredom seems to be ungrateful for living. There's no excuse for boredom.

The bottom line is that you have to break out of your established pattern and find something new to enjoy.

So tomorrow is a non-knitting day. I'm going to go on a little day trip into the city. I'm going to check out the De Young and hang out in Golden Gate Park, with my camera.

Ok. I'll probably knit when I get home.

GG

Bless You

Got my wish last night.

After spending the whole day inside Mr. G took me out for sushi.

"To celebrate" he said.

This meant I had an excuse to get out of my pyjamas and into those fabulous jeans I bought the other day. And I felt more motivated than ever to wear makeup. I had been feeling badly about being laid off the day before. I was afraid it was going to change my relationship with Mr G, that he was really let down about my job situation and disapointed in me. So I made myself look extra pretty for him.

Strangely I didn't need to. He was surprisingly happy for me. We had a beautiful dinner together where he told me I was destined for bigger and better things and he wanted me to have the time to work on my book.

So in essence. Everything's ok. In fact, it's better than ok. It's fabulous.

As the song says "You can't always get what you want, but sometimes you might find, you get what you need" and apparently I need lots of free time to knit, care for my husband, and travel.

The joy of the blessing in disguise.

GG

Unemployment Day 1

It all started out well. Got up at 8:30 with Mr. G and made morning tea. Read the blogs, not a lot today maybe because of Good Friday...

neighbors' children bring me a plate of Easter cookies. Super cute. Their mum had to borrow some vanilla extract to make them. They were really yummy.

Clean house, do dishes, start laundry. Watched The Holiday, Then watched The Chronicles of Narnia. Then later watched Before Sunset. At first I was depressed about losing my job. Sad for the loss, but then I was happy to have all this free time. Suddenly the day doesn't seem so short when you know that you don't have to go back to work any time soon.

But then you start to freak out b/c you don't have to go back to work any time soon.

4pm was kinda bad it was probably the sugar crash from all those Easter cookies. And I started to get a little lonely. But then I talked to Mr. G and he's takin me out to dinner. I want sushi, but I have a feeling we're gonna end up at the Outback.

Am I making good use of my time???? In between all the movies I did do a bit of knitting.

Damn this all sounds so boring. Guess I'll actually have to get out of the house or at least get some exercise. Maybe I'm still a little shell shocked.

but i feel better writing this all down

GG

Goal for Monday (the weekends don't count): get out of your pyjamas.