Friday, May 18, 2007

Unemployed? Maybe Not Much Longer.

It's Friday and I'm finally over the jet lag. Jeeeeez. My sleeping pattern has been awful! It's a good thing I'm unemployed or I probably would have gotten fired by whatever employment I had.

Anyhoo there is a possible job on the horizon. I interviewed yesterday and it went well. I have another interview on Monday. It's for a pretty big corporation and I've never worked in corporate so I'm a little worried that the position might be a bit much for me. However, there's the possibility that this could be the perfect full-time position for me. My coworkers would be around my age, it's all stuff that's within my skill set, there's a huge training program to make sure you have all the right information, and it's a corporation that has a really good reputation for taking care of it's employees.

The only down side is that I would have to work longer hours and thus lose lots of time writing my book. But on the other hand I would be making good money working for a good company.

Can you tell that I'm trying to psyche myself up for this?

Everyone I know that I've told about this job opportunity has been confused because I've actually been looking for a part time job so I can write the book.

I like the idea of working part-time, but not so much the idea of not making a lot of money, and smelling like coffee, or breaking my back in retail, or running into people I used to work with and serving them coffee, explaining that no, I'm not a mcjob loser I'm actually spending all my free time writing a book. And then get that doubtful look from them like "good luck weird knitter girl".

Ah pride. Is it really that important?

Now these obnoxious self help maxims keep floating around my head, like we create our own barriers to success or the harder path yields the most opportunities.

There's the distinct possibility that if I take the safe job option with the groovy corporation that I would be repeating the same mistake I've been making for the last 5 years and end up unhappy in the end, again.

However the difference between this time and last is that I actually have a palpable goal that I can achieve. The thing is that I'm afraid to fail. I'm afraid that I'm going to write this book and no one is going to be interested in it and that I'm going to waste all my time. I'm afraid that I'm not ready to write this book. But that's all bullshit, if you pardon my french.

Because if you're a Dune reader like I am you know that fear is the mind killer.

And if you look at my choices just through that lens, the clear choice is to find a part time job and write the book.

Well at least I am presented with 2 good choices. It's a win win really, either I take a good job, or I work on the book. It's nothing life threatening. At least the difference in the past five years is that there really is something I love to do, that I'm naturally good at, that brings me mountains of joy.

speaking of joy: please visit my friend Knitabulous at Pick Up Sticks. She just awarded me a prize for being her 50,000th visitor. I've mentioned her before because she is an AMAZING lace knitter. Seeing as my first attempt at micro lace was an unmitigated distaster (I blame the stitch markers) I am in awe of her work.

Also I want to post more Japan photos so be on the lookout for that.


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