Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Summer Thinking

One of my pet peeves is living your life knowing that you're not appreciating it to it's fullest. We get so involved in what we're trying to achieve that we forget to experience life. To combat this, sometimes I stop myself in the middle of a moment. I try to hold on to it and acknowledge what's going on.

There are a few times where I've stopped myself like this.
1) the first time I saw Paris
2) the first time I saw my husband.
3) the Radiohead concert in July 2001.
4) The first time I saw Pulp Fiction
5) The moment I won a trip to Paris on the radio
6) Walking down the aisle at my wedding
7) The first time I saw Van Gogh's self portrait at the Musee d'Orsay (I wept)
8) The first time I went to the Musee du Picasso
9) NYE 2005/2006 Sydney
10) When I first met my inlaws in Sydney
11) My first swim on an Australian beach
12) Anytime I hear the Smashing Pumpkins song Drown.
13) The evening after I found out my grandmother died.
14) Walking in the rain after finding out that Kurt Cobain died.

These are the things I hold onto when things suck.

My goal this summer is to have as many moments like this as possible.

I don't have kids yet. I don't own a house. I've eschewed as much responsibility as I possibly could this summer. The result is more time to watch movies, to listen to new music to read books, and (lest Mr. G think I'm wasting my time) work on a book. I'm spending more time in my office, which even in its unorganized state reminds me of my teenage bedroom, where I spent countless hours writing and painting. I'm hoping to regain the quiet focus I had at that time, though it's difficult now with the endless distraction of the Internets.

It's amazingly easy to take it all for granted. Sometimes we forget what we have and get greedy, especially when the inevitable greener grass makes a random appearance. I could be making more money, I could have gone into film, I could have traveled Europe. I will entertain any possibility with my endless imagination. Sometimes I spend too much time there and real life becomes a blur. But no matter the choices you make, there are always choices that you left behind and you left them behind for a reason. That's the part we often forget.

For instance I always regretted that I didn't do better in school. As a student I did everything except school work, I thought that knowledge should come naturally, and that I was too smart to have to actually do the work. It was very arrogant, and I felt badly that I didn't live up to my potential, but the bottom line is that I didn't want to succeed in school. I had choices and I did what I wanted. Once I understood that I didn't feel bad about it anymore.

I am one of those crazy people sees the good side to anything and the possibility of everything. But the truth is that optimistic people are that way because there are often situations in one's life that border on unbearable. It's easier to embrace the possible than to drown yourself in the obstacles. This can make relationships difficult because you are loath to acknowledge difficulties. Or you laugh in the face of other people's pain. And thus people don't take you seriously, or you inadvertently offend them.

So what have we achieved this summer?
1) a better appreciation of films
2) going to a lot of shows
3) a lot more writing
4) productive knitting
5) some self reflection
6) new friends

I wonder where we'll be come fall...


1 comment:

Tuck said...

Let me know if you want to catch a movie sometime!